Every woman dreams of her wedding from a young age. There is this idea that we must have a beautiful, expensive wedding with the perfect man. Everything will be whimsical and we will run off into the sunset on our honeymoon happily married, end of story.
What people don’t tell us is the marriage that comes after the wedding is the thing we should all be focused on. Not putting effort into relationships ends in divorce, which can usually be messy, especially if children are involved.
According to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the U.S. get divorced. This is quite a large number, encompassing about half of our married population.
The U.S. should not have such a high divorce rate, because first-world married couples can do better, and have several options. People should think twice before getting a divorce, unless it’s an emergency like abuse. Any other issue can usually be handled and fixed. It only takes time and effort on both sides, or even couples therapy.
Marriage may seem old-fashioned to some, but it should still be taken seriously in 2018. When people get married, they sign a legally binding contract and make vows in front of witnesses stating they will stay together until death.
Giving up on a legally binding relationship shows younger generations that family doesn’t matter. It shows that adults are not willing to communicate or be respectful toward each other to figure their issues out. This teaches children that it’s okay to give up, argue and be disrespectful to a spouse or friend. That’s a depressing future for upcoming citizens in society. People should work through their differences no matter what, so it’s important to know what causes divorce and how one can avoid it.
According to CNN, studies have found that couples who spend less on engagement rings or weddings usually have lower divorce rates. This could be due to less financial strain after the wedding, so the couple can use more money for payments on a house, car or family.
According to PBS, if a couple spends more than $20,000 on a wedding, they are 3.5 times more likely to divorce.
According to PsychPage.com, after five to seven years of marriage, couples usually split due to high conflict. After 10 to 12 years, couples usually split due to loss of intimacy or connection.
After so many years of marriage, couples may have children. To divorce after so long over money management, conflict or loss of intimacy is not right.
Adults need to learn how to manage their money. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. If you need something expensive, then save up for it. Be responsible for your own person and finances, because it will directly affect your spouse and family.
Couples also need to communicate effectively and respectfully. If there is a problem, then it always needs to be addressed. Talk to your partner and listen to what they have to say. Don’t scream, yell or throw things. Behavior of that sort never accomplishes anything in life, so don’t use it in a marriage or in front of kids.
Another thing struggling couples can do is go on frequent dates. After years of marriage, or even having kids, romantic life can fizzle out and lead to outside relations. To stop cheating or dissatisfaction, couples can do romantic gestures for each other, go on dates or spice things up. Just because you have kids or have been together for a while, it doesn’t mean you have to stop having fun.
Some situations may not be as simple, but it always boils down to respect. If you respect yourself, respect your spouse and respect your family, maintaining relationships should be natural. After you get married, it’s not just about you anymore. It becomes an actual team effort. This can also be applicable to other relationships, like boyfriends or girlfriends, family and friends. Stay humble and be a team player.
Abigail Varnado is a 21-year-old English senior from Amite, Louisiana.